Scheduling Funnies

By The Scheduling Team

Note: Names have been changed to protect privacy.

Scheduling is like the Academy Award winning film Good Will Hunting.

It often requires brilliance, patience, a bit of charm and at times, quite a bit of hunting. When one reflects on what makes a phenomenal scheduler, certain words come to mind: kind, well spoken, empathetic, critical thinker, problem solver and patient. With the constant collaboration of the Scheduling Team and the support from our many providers, we continually exude these qualities to achieve success. At the end of each night (we try to leave the office before the stroke of midnight, for fear of turning into pumpkins), we know that not even one shift will be left unfilled.

Now, to let you in on a little secret, here are some more accurate adjectives: masochistic, psychotherapeutic, fatigued, obsessive, needy….

In truth, the best way to sum up scheduling at Keystone Healthcare Management is that we work to keep a balance in everyone’s life with the demands and obstacles of the hospitals and their needs. We truly love the Keystone family and the close relationships we have cultivated with many of our providers. That being said, we have to keep things lighthearted… so we thought we would share with you some of our favorite dialogues with Physicians and Advanced Practice Providers that portray a scope of our daily conversations.

1. Physician: I can give you a little insight on why it’s tougher to get someone to come out here in the woods.
   Scheduler: Because you only have one pizza place in town?
   Physician: You’re hilarious.
2. Physician: You are going to cause me a divorce. You have to make my wife happy.
   Scheduler: I am in process of covering Saturday and Sunday, but I need you for Friday AM I think. Saturday secure, Sunday secure, but I need you for Friday!
   Physician: You got it…And I’m gonna have to move in with you.
   Scheduler: I only have a one bedroom apartment.
   Physician: You can have the couch.
3. Physician: Did Christmas Eve get covered? Just checking.
   Scheduler: Yes, finally got in touch with Dr. Brown. Have a great Christmas, Santa.
   Physician: Awesome. I was starting to get worried.
   Scheduler: Starting? I’ve been worried for weeks!
   Physician: Ha!! Merry Christmas.
4. Scheduler: I can swap the 20th or the 21st, but would have to put you on the 7th—which you initially requested off.
   Physician: You can’t do it for the 27th instead? I know you can. You’re amazing. You’re the Danielator (like the Terminator but more awesome).
5. Scheduler: I’m trying to fill that week you’re out.
   Physician: LOL. Dr. Smith may have a heart attack on you.
   Scheduler: Don’t say that! I’ll have to call you back into town.
   Physician: I won’t answer my phone! LOL.
   Scheduler: There is no corner of this world a doc can hide from a scheduler. I found Dr. Richards in Germany.